Alien Abductions

Do not be fooled. This picture is not a fake.

How do I know this? Because according to the Stop Alien Abductions website - 

• The photo was found by the wife of a special operations officer in the Air Force after he died. She did not know he had it until she had permission to review his papers. The photo was obtained from another investigator.

• There is an area 51 tag on the alien which may be hardly visible on the screen but can be seen better in the original photo.

• The photo is cropped but the real background is steel sheets and a chain link fence which look hastily erected, the kind that would be found in a military facility outpost.

• There is a dent in the plastic shroud around the alien which is not faked, indicating some kind of accident in transporting the creature.

If that doesn’t convince you of the veracity of the photograph, nothing will.

I had not realised that abduction and sexual assaults by aliens was such a huge problem until alerted to the issue by my daughter. She was clearly worried that I was not fully protecting myself from alien abduction with a Thought Screen Helmet

It appears that any hat will do as long as it looks silly, but the key ingredient is lining which is a volume-conductive, carbon-impregnated polyolefin called Velostat. (Don’t ask me what that means – ask 3M)

Apparently it works very well according to the anonymous testimonies on the website. A man in Kentucky has not been bothered by alien thought control since he has been wearing his helmet and women pictured below in the very fetching bonnet is quoted as saying  – "I have been abducted by aliens  for years and found stopabductions.com by a happy coincidence. The Thought Screen Helmet, invented by an expert, has stopped the unwelcome visitations and has raised me  and my family’s quality of life. Therefore I highly recommend it."

According to the website, there have only been four recorded failures of the helmet and in two of those cases the abductors were alien-human hybrids for which the helmet is ineffective. It appears that these hybrids can pull the helmets off!

We know quite a lot about aliens and their evil motives thanks to Sean Casteel who describes himself, on the world’s worst designed website, as the world’s most respected UFO journalist. I am slightly confused by this epitaph, given that on his website Sean Casteel describes Budd Hopkins as the world’s foremost expert on UFO abduction. Which is better – respected or expert? Anyway, if you can find your way around the site you will discover many stories of alien abduction.

For anyone crazy enough to want to read more, there are the fabulously po-faced International Centre for Abduction Research, Alien Abduction Experience and Research, and The Intruder Foundation, as well as the slightly disturbing Aliens and Children which bases almost all its evidence for alien abduction on some crude drawings by a child.

There is a great deal of wonderfully colourful testimony on these websites but so far I have been unable to find any information on the fundamental questions – who are these aliens, where do they come from, and how do they manage to disregard the basic principles of science? Oh and the other question – why are aliens almost singularly only interested in Americans?

There’s good retro and bad retro

I have already confessed earlier that I am an unapologetic nostalgic. That doesn’t mean that I think that everything old is good. There were some things that were horrible in their time and are still horrible now.

And then there are the silly things such as the Teasmade (or Teawaker as I now discover is the generic name) which were amusing in their time …

… and are amusing still.

But the one that amuses me most though is the Lava Lamp.

       

Amusing because these pictures are from the current catalogue of the company that originally produced the Lava Lamp (also known under its original name the Astro Lamp) in the 1960 and still does. The shape of the glass is based on the shape of the Tree Top Orange Squash bottle which caught his fancy.

As a small aside, Edward Craven Walker who invented the Astro Lamp was a keen nudist and in the 1960’s produced a number of naturist films under the pseudonym Michael Keatering.

From Hero to Zero

 

Consider the case of Thomas Midgley Jr. An obviously brilliant engineer turned chemist, Midgley was awarded a number of prestigious medals for his work as a chemist and was president and chairman of the American Chemical Society and held over 100 patents. And yet, Midgely may be regarded in some way as the greatest single enemy of the environment.

 

Midgely’s two greatest claims to fame as a chemist are the introduction of lead to petrol and the invention of Freon, an ozone-depleting CFC used in refrigerants and aerosol propellants. Both of these are regarded as prime culprits in the destruction of the earth’s atmosphere. How should history remember him? One could forgive the CFCs as their effect has only recently become known, but lead was still used in petrol over 70 years after Midgley poisoned himself in a ‘safety demonstration’ of tetra-ethyl lead. One could blame the petrol industry for that, but I can find no record of Midgley speaking out against the continued use of leaded petrol.

There is another quirky aspect to Midgley that appeals to my warped mind. He is listed as one of the ‘10 Inventors Killed By Their Inventions’ on the wonderfully instructive website Listverse. Not only did Midgley manage to give himself lead poisoning, but after contracting polio he managed to kill himself by becoming entangled in the ropes of the pulley system he built to help him be lifted from his bed.

Listverse contains hundreds of top 10 lists of varying quality from the fascinating Top 10 Common Faults In Human Thought to the trivial Top 10 Filmable Batman Villains via the odd Top 10 Interesting Facts about the Scythians

There are too many fabulous lists to include here. Go and have a look for yourself. Here is one to get you started – 10 Urban Legends that Caused a Moral Panic

 

 

Even More Gadgets

I make no apology for being a great fan of useless (or at least unnecessary) gadgets. I have previously written about Archie McPhee and Stupididiotic  and their wonderfully stupid gadget. Now here is another one – Fred and Friends – with a treasure trove of stuff you just have to have!

First up, for my percussionist grandson –

 

An elegant doorstop

Matryoshka doll measuring cups

Of course I have always wanted Easter Island ice cubes. Hasn’t everyone?

Or a tasteful milk jug?

There are pages of such wonders on the Fred and Friends website. Choose your own favourite.

I love browsing these catalogues, but I presume that people also buy the products. I am not sure that owning them is the point. There is just as much amusement in gawping unless something is really useful. Like … oh I don’t kn0w … maybe a finger food holder for parties.

 

Surely I could use a few of those.

Eat your greens, or at least create with them

 

Some time ago I posted some wonderful food sculpture pictures and some odd sculptured melons. Here are some more  thanks to the wonderfully named ‘Not Quite Nigella’

Then this via Freaky Martin

which is used in an ad for knives.

Perhaps it is inevitable that the best images are going to be in ads. I like this one which advertises vegetarianism.

I’ll add a little note of culture here. There are some extraordinary paintings by the 16th century Italian artist Guiseppe Archimboldo. Funny how his serious works are virtually forgotten, but his somewhat crazy food faces remain.   

More Whimsy From The Net

I don’t know who Tobias Lunchbreath is, other than the few facts gleaned from Flickr. An Art Director from Chicago who describes himself as “Male and Taken”

I do like his whimsical view of the world though.

 

 

There are pages of similar delights on Lunchbreath’s Photostream.

Whoever you are. Thank you.

I’m sure it’s clever, but ….

Pastimes are just that. Things to do to pass the time. In addition some pastimes require some thinking skills, with the added attraction of exercising your brain and maybe giving you a sense of satisfaction in achieving something. That is why I do cryptic crosswords and hard sudokus.  Although I failed to get any satisfaction from the Rubik Cube (as I was never much good at solving it), I did enjoy the challenge. There is less fun in doing these things if you have to seek external help. Particularly if that help is mechanical. Yes you can use various software to solve sudoku or help with crosswords, but the pleasure is much reduced.

So what to make of these two little devices from a boffin in Sweden – Hans Andersson?  

Using Lego Mindstorms, he has designed and built robots for solving Sudoku and Rubik’s Cube. There are videos and building instructions (including the software) on his website. And whilst I think it all very clever, I wonder what the point is. I don’t get much satisfaction from watching other people solve sudoku or crosswords or play patience, if I am not contributing myself. So why this?

Don’t answer that. It is not a serious question. A disclaimer here. When I first decided to teach myself to program in Basic, I wrote a noughts-and-crosses solving program. Of course I understand that the exercise in designing and building these is the point. Nonetheless, I do wonder. Perhaps Hans Andersson should be turning his mind to solving bigger problems. He clearly is capable.

Maybe someone said that of Edwin Votey when he demonstrated the first player piano in 1895? What pleasure is there in having a machine play your music for you? Don’t answer that either.

Twitter

There is constant discussion about the uselessness of Twitter for real social networking and for the most part I agree. However, I have found several good uses for it. The odd “hey, you might be interested in this” is often does point to something interesting. This is especially true if you are selective about who you follow. The only real drawback with this aspect is that the page can fill up quite quickly with dross and that pushes the interesting stuff off the page and then the gem is lost.

However it is the dross which has caught my attention. I am not sure I understand how these get started nor how the word gets out, but there have been some funny bad pun chains of tweets (I am sure there is a word to describe that but I don’t know it).

Here is a sample from Cheesefilms

The Gouda, the Bad and the Ugly,          Mas Capone,            Cheesus Christ Superstar,            Puttin’ on the Ritz,                  Who Framed Roger Rarebit?,              Give My Ricotta Broad Whey,               The Man in the Iron Mascarpone,              Brie Encounter,             La Dolce Feta,                   La Dolcelatte Vita,                 The Cheshire of the Sierra Madre,                  The Great Train Robbrie,                Bangkok Stilton,                        Return of the Cheddar,                  East of Edam,               Fondue the Right Thing,               No Whey Out,             Brie-ing John Malkovich,            Goudafellas,                 Much Fondue About Nothing,               Edam Busters,             The Day the Earth Stood Stilton,                     I Was Monty’s Double Gloucester,                 As Gouda As It Gets,                  Cheddar Gabler,           The Brie of Frankenstein,            A Few Gouda Men,              The Longest Yarg,             Carlito’s Whey,                 Blue Velveeta,            Emmental Sunshine of the Spotless Mind,                  Bridget Jones Dairy,          Bridget Jones Dairylea,               Earth Girls Are Cheesy,                     Feta Attraction,                    The Tailor of Double Gloucester,            Nokkelost in Translation,             The Philadelphia Story,            Saving Private Rind,             Animal Farmhouse,             My Cousin Blue Vinny,                     The Bad News Camemberts,                Swiss Cheese Family Robinson,               Seven Bries for Seven Brothers?,                    Million Dollar Babybel,                  Gouda Will Hunting,               Curds of the Pink Panther,            Cheeses of Nazareth,                    Rarebit Proof Fence,                     Lock Stock and Two Smoking Cracker Barrels,               Le Comte de Monte Cristo,               The Fondue of the Opera,                          Driving Swiss Daisy,                      Cheese Having a Baby,                Five Cheesy Pieces,               Fromage Russia With Love,            The Private Life of Emile Gorgonzola,         You, Me and DuBrie

 

Or what about Vegetariantheatre

Educating Beetroot,           Banana Mia,              Salad Days,           Omelette,        Lady Windermere’s Bran,          The Importance of Beans, Ernest,           The Mousse Trap,        Cauliolanus,          We Will Rocket You,                Calamity Grain,          Cat On A Hot Tin Root,        Chat On A Hot Tin Roof,             Carrot on a Hot Tin Roof,      The Best Little Greenhouse In Texas,                The Gnocchi Horror Show,            A Mushroom With a View,              Troilius and Cress,                 A Streetcar named Desiree,                  Miss Soygon,                    The Rocket Horror Show,               The Postman Always Brings Rice,             The Chronicles of Naan,                  An Inspector Kales,               Witlof and I,                    Cheddar Gabler,                   Citizen Kale,              Pirates of Pea-zance,                Romeo and Julienned,                  Oatlahoma!,          Okrahoma!,            The Threepenny Okra,           The Lime King,         A Sweetcorn Named Desire,           Don’s Parsley,              Guys and Dills,           The Grass Menagerie,               Pear Ubu,           Pear Gynt,            An Inspector Caulis,         Tree Sisters,           The Wizard of Cos,                     Tarte oeuf,              Parsnip and Old Lace,           Arms and the Mango,                Paint Your Vegan,                 The Gourdfather I, II and III,                   A Man for All Seasonings,             Romaines in Britain,                 The Dairy of Anne Frank,               The Quince and the Pauper,            Lady Windermere’s Flan,                       Krapp’s Last Tapas,                Egg-quis,             The ProJuicers,                Quiche me Kate,                    Leek Back in Anger,                Beauty and the Beet,                     Death of a Kalesman

Good cooperative fun. So don’t write-off Twitter altogether.

Long time no write

It has been a while since I have been able to find the time to write anything, or perhaps since I had the motivation to write anything. It has left me wondering whether the blog has already passed into history, to be replace with the more immediate social network sites like Facebook and Twitter. I hope not. Don’t get me wrong, firing off a witty comment or eavesdropping on stranger’s conversations and photographs is fun enough. But hardly a fair exchange for a well-considered, well-written blog.

This train of thought is partially motivated by the last entry in one of my favourite blogs – Barista.  David has been such a reliable supplier of interesting anecdotes, stories and thoughtful articles, that I have felt quite bereft since he declared that he might be abandoning his blog – at least for the moment.

That then started a trawl through the various blogs I have bookmarked over the last couple of years. A surprising number of them have either been discontinued or neglected. Perhaps it’s not just me. It does take a fair effort to write a blog, especially if one is diligent with the hyperlinks, and it is hard to keep up the desire.

Mind you, as long as people continue to fill the web with little joys like this, it is worth having a blog to pass them on.

http://kontraband.com/videos/9269/Morphing-Maidens
Apparently I can’t post videos at the moment.

Did we really look like that in the 70’s?

Thank you Rotating Corpse. This picture comes from a fantastically daggy Hallmark book from 1976 called “Please Don’t Promise Me Forever” which Brittany at Rotating Corpse has scanned. Every page delivers a gem of wonderful picture and cringe-making verse.

Rotating Corpses is a collaborative site which features pictures and other artwork from a huge variety of sources. A place to idly browse for the odd, fascinating and the strangely pointless.

Unfortunately, their pages are not well indexed and their is a fair degree of pot luck with what you find. I do like this though from “The Curious Sofa” by Ogdred Weary (in fact Edward Gorey) some pages of which have been scanned for our pleasure.